The Load, the Loop and the Charge: What I Have Learnt From Supporting People With Misophonia

For context, I've had misophonia for 24 years (since I was 10). It was the cause of the majority of my stress and suffering for the 15 years between 10 and 25. I have been deep down the research rabbit hole and also implementing what I've learnt, and over the past few years the effects of misophonia have reduced to near zero.

This piece shares what I've learnt from the past 6 months of supporting people with misophonia. I'm hoping it can support you to understand more about yourself so you can see a path forward too.

First of all, I will share a combination of anecdotal stories, along with science, and what has practically worked for me and for others to see improvements. For full transparency, I work with people who have misophonia, but this piece is simply to share what I've learnt.

To understand misophonia, and specifically being triggered by particular sounds, I describe it as an involuntary sound reactivity which is an acute stress on the system, which often causes a physical, mental and emotional response. This shows up as intense bodily sensations, anger, frustration, rage, confusion and a combination of many other emotions and overpowering thoughts.

The body goes into a sympathetic nervous system stress response, which results in the tendencies of fight, flight, fawn or freeze.

• Fight means reacting directly to the source of the sounds in any manner.
• Flight means abandoning the area, getting out of there, headphones, ear plugs etc.
• Freeze is where the body loses the ability to make a decision and can't do anything.
• Fawn is sacrificing our own comfort to avoid conflict, apologising, lessening our needs to not impact others etc.

I've just described a view of the mechanism. Now I will share a view on the stress we carry and what supports individuals to reduce this stress and the effects of misophonia.

Stress is the biggest co-factor in how misophonia's effects play out, and it is what I feel is the best way to understand it at a more simple level. I know for myself and others I have talked with, oftentimes the higher the levels of stress, the more intense things become.

The stress we carry in relation to misophonia can be categorised into three areas: the Load, the Loop and the Charge.

The Load

The Load is the daily level of stress we carry at any given point. How well we have slept, hydration, levels of inflammation in our body, our family and home life, our work or school life, our financial standpoint and everything that is happening in our lives.

The Loop

The Loop is the specific stress related to misophonia. The loop meaning the journey we go on leading up to triggers, such as anticipation of sounds, anxiety about people or places that cause triggers, the actual sound triggers themselves, the reaction, anger, frustration etc, then shame, guilt and confusion about the reaction, then into fear that we are stuck like this, and back around to anticipation, anxiety and more triggers.

The Charge

The Charge is the deepest of these layers, and it relates to how and why misophonia began in the first place. What was happening in our lives at the time misophonia began, what stress was present in our lives at this time, who or what were our first triggers, and what enabled it to continue to grow. Each person I have talked to has a unique story, and the process of understanding this story can start to join the pieces of the puzzle together.

I haven't met anyone who was born straight into this world with misophonia. Although it can come at any time, one consensus study shows that the typical age of onset for misophonia is in childhood or early adolescence. In my experience, most people develop it between the ages of 8 and 13.

This is a time in childhood where we are developing our sense of self and understanding our own personal space. In my case, and the same for most people I have supported, there are common stories that have played out.

A common adaptation as children under stress is that, when we can't change or influence our environment, oftentimes we change ourselves.

For me, there was intense stress in the house, specifically a lot of tension between my parents at the dining table. I hated their arguing and them being mean to each other and wished it would stop, but I couldn't change this. This stress for me then became associated with the dining table sounds, Dad's loud breathing and chewing when he was stressed, and seeing the looks on my parents' faces, among other things. It became too much for my system. I would explode and punch holes in walls in a fit of rage, and eventually retreated from all meals, eating by myself for the next 8 years before I left home at 18.

The shame, guilt and confusion of this all continued to loop, and the triggers I experienced started happening everywhere, with everyone, at school, in the world etc.

For context and your own research, it is really interesting to see that the experience of misophonia relates closely to some of the symptoms of PTSD. There are findings that show similarities, and it is worth reading into if this resonates.

I share that the effect of misophonia operates like a dial. There are specific things we can do to turn the dial down. This is where I come back to the Load, the Loop and the Charge.

The Load: What We Can Do Daily

We can reduce stress here through a combination of things. One of the biggest movers is practising sleep hygiene habits and learning to sleep really well.

• Food. To support our physical body, eating healthy food reduces inflammation.
• Water. Hydrating ourselves well nourishes all our body's functions.
• Movement. Exercising and moving our bodies helps to balance our energy.
• Nature. Being outside in nature grounds us.
• Meditation and breath. Meditation and gentle breathwork calm our system, creating more space and clarity.
• Expression. Writing, journaling, painting and creating help us to express our internal experience and free mental space.
• Joy. Finding what we love and doing more of those things brings great relief to our system.

The Loop: Misophonia-Specific Stress Reduction

Focusing on the controllables. Developing self-compassion for when we are feeling anxious. Developing inner curiosity for when we experience anger, shame, guilt, confusion etc, and starting to learn about these emotions within us. Learning how to express these emotions in a healthy, productive way can help us build a better relationship with them.

The one thing in the loop we cannot control is the sounds in the world, and when we learn to focus on what we can control, the uncontrollables have less grip on us. This part takes time, however it is possible.

The Charge: The Deeper Work

This process is what takes longer, and it requires work at the Load and Loop levels to be active. This is beginning to understand the origin stories of misophonia. The deeper work here is to release the weight of the past through the process of forgiveness for self and others, learning to grieve and release the accumulated stress, and other pieces that help us reconcile everything that has happened up until now.

Working on these three areas starts to create more space and groundedness in one's life. This is a journey, and doing this work takes time, however I know through my own journey and the people I have supported that change is possible when we are committed to it.

My wish in sharing this is that it can empower you to start to make changes in your life, and to start to live more free from the stress misophonia causes.

Feel free to reach out with any questions. I'm happy to answer.